He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
