But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
