Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
