My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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