Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
