Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Need sex. Gaining weight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
