Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
