party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
honey bunches of taint.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
