A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
