Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
