Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
