My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
