I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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