My hand turned me down
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
