If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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