it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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