I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
