dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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