One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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