BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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