i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
