he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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