So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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