I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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