i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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