my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
