i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
