you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
