like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
