U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
