There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
