fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
