ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
