My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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