bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
