ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
