The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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