I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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