Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
