Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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