i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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