I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
