is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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