I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
