I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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