I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
