I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
