Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
