Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
