he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
